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Photo for Ballantine by permission from M.A. Center
| She began
to imagine that everything was Krishna, until gradually she noticed that he no
longer was outside of her but dwelled inside of her. |
No one suspected her merged state of consciousness until one day she passed by a neighbor's yard during a Krishna holiday. Many villagers were gathered together listening to a recitation of the ancient tales of Krishna. Sudhamani was drawn into the yard in a blissful mood. She lay down on the branch of a small tree in the exact body posture Krishna was known to assume. The villagers saw in her face, in her smile, the perfect attitude of their beloved Krishna. They were convinced she was possessed by him. She never tried to explain the truth of her experience. The villagers longed to see her in this mood again, wanting her to perform a miracle. Ammachi tells us that it was their belief that created the miracle. She asked them to bring a pot of water. It turned into buttermilk and was distributed to all. Then, from the remaining drops of buttermilk, she told one man to touch it with his finger. It turned into gallons of sweet pudding which everyone ate. They loved Sudhamani's attitude of Krishna (Krishna Bhava) so much that she agreed to assume it three times a week. During these times she often would become playful, just like Krishna was known to be. She would peel a banana to offer to an elderly Krishna devotee and, without fail, when the devotee closed her eyes and opened her mouth, Sudhamani would withdraw the banana, teasing in this way over and over until finally she would pop the banana into the devotee's mouth. At one point her family attempted to have her betrothed, but Sudhamani vehemently refused. A frustrated Sughunanandan went far away to a city where he was not known by anyone to consult a famous astrologer. Sughunanandan asked when would be a good time for his daughter to marry, to which the astrologer replied that such an act would only bring catastrophe to the family. The astrologer told Sughunanandan that Sudhamani was a Mahatma (great soul) and not to attempt to have her given away in marriage. However, Sudhamani's spiritual quest was not over. Now that she lived with Krishna inside of her, she missed the bliss of yearning for him. One day a globe of brilliant light appeared before her. Out of it came a vision of the Mother of the Universe, so extraordinary, so beautiful, that Ammachi now longed to see her again. Before Ammachi had thought Krishna was everything. Now, with the appearance of the Mother, an even greater longing arose within her. She pleaded with Krishna to take her to the Mother, but even with his help they could not find her anywhere. Sudhamani became like a small child calling out, "I want to see my Mother! Where is my Mother!" At this point in her spiritual practices it became difficult for her to perform daily chores. She would gaze at the sky or the trees and be overcome with uncontrollable tears or laughter until she would fall unconscious. Often she would wade into the back waters at dusk, slip into a trance upon hearing the sound of evening devotional chanting coming from nearby homes.She would go to take a bath and forget her towel; she would fetch the towel and forget her soap; then she would lose herself in the bathroom for hours until someone, usually a neighbor or family member, would find her there. One neighbor in particular loved Sudhamani deeply, took pity on her, and often helped her get dressed and eat. Sudhamani's eldest brother supported the family's disapproval of her strange behaviors. One day he became so enraged that he forbade her to live in their house. So she made her home on the beach under the stars. Since she no longer tolerated normal food, animals provided her with sustenance. Dogs would bring packets of rice, a cow would lie down and offer its udder. She had nursed two baby sea eagles who had fallen from their nest and now they would drop fish for her to eat. Sudhamani's mother sometimes tried to grab the fish and cook it for her, but usually Sudhamani ate it raw. A black-and-white dog became her friend. She would lay her head on her canine friend as a pillow, speaking to it affectionately as "Mother." In the months before her enlightenment, the spiritual practices Sudhamani had done fervently for her whole life reached their final stage.On the beach in the small fishing village where she was born, the twenty-two year old Sudhamani's tormented craving for the Divine Mother became extreme and her prayers incessant. She describes her experience: "O Mother, my heart is being torn by this pain of separation! Why does Your heart not melt seeing this endless stream of tears? O Mother, many Great Souls have adored You and thereby attained Your Vision and became eternally one with You. O Darling Mother! Please open the doors of Your compassionate heart to this humble servant of Yours! I am suffocating like one who is drowning. If you are not willing to come to me, then please put an end to my life. Let that sword with which You behead the cruel and unrighteous fall on my head as well. At least, let me be blessed by the touch of Your sword! What sense is there in keeping this useless body which is a heavy burden for me?" Her anguished pleas culminated with the Divine Mother appearing to her, dazzling like a thousand suns. In her own words: "Each and every pore of my body was wide-open with yearning, each atom of my body was vibrating with the sacred mantra, my entire being was rushing toward the Divine Mother in a torrential stream..." [Sudhamani cried out]: " 'O Mother... here is Your child about to die, drowning in unfathomable distress... this heart is breaking... these limbs are faltering... I am convulsing like a fish thrown on the shore... O Mother... You have no kindness towards me... I have nothing left to offer You except the last breath of my life... " Sudhamani then lost all contact with the external world and entered a sublime realm: ... "The Divine Mother, with bright, gentle hands, caressed my head. With bowed head, I told Mother that my life is dedicated to Her." "Smiling, She became a Divine Effulgence and merged in me. My mind blossomed, bathed in the many-hued Light of Divinity and the events of millions of years gone by rose up within me. Thenceforth, seeing nothing as separate from my own Self a single Unity, and merging in the Divine Mother, I renounced all sense of enjoyment... ... "Today I tremble with bliss recollecting Mother's words, "Oh my darling, come to Me, leaving all other works. You are always Mine."... From that day onwards I could see nothing as different from my own Formless Self wherein the entire universe exists as a tiny bubble.. . . ." Now Sudhamani avoided all human contact; she dug deep holes in the sand where she lived in the bliss of complete union with the divine mother. Relatives and villagers who had thought her mad before, now were convinced of her mental derangement. She says these were the happiest days of her life. However, Sudhamani was not destined to remain in rapture on the shores of the Arabian Sea forever. After some time she heard a voice from within her say: "My child, I dwell in the heart of all beings and have no fixed abode. Your birth is not for merely enjoying the unalloyed Bliss of the Self [Supreme Consciousness] but for comforting suffering humanity. Henceforth, worship Me in the hearts of all beings and relieve them of the sufferings of worldly existence. . . "  Mata Amritanandamayi Devi or Amma After she received this message in late 1975, Sudhamani began to manifest the attitude of the Divine Mother (Devi Bhava) [see photo above]. She became known as Mata Amritanandamayi, Mother of Immortal Nectar. She is affectionately and respectfully referred to as Ammachi, revered Mother. The two sea eagles would sit like sentinels on the roof of the small temple while Ammachi ministered to hundreds of devotees. Even though many recognized her divinity and came from many parts the world, it took several years for her family and most villagers to adjust. Even today some villagers doubt her. Many, including her father, continued to harbor the belief that she was possessed. One day her father became very angry with Devi, the Mother of the Universe, and told her to leave his daughter's body. She warned him that his daughter's body would perish, but he insisted she go away. Sudhamani fell over dead, remaining with no heart beat or breath for eight hours. Ammachi tells us that she had left her body and hovered over the scene. She watched them mourn and prepare for her cremation, watched her father lament his mistake, and watched them chant mantras to appease the goddess. Their prayers gradually drew her into her body and her father from then on understood not to interfere. Ammachi came back to life in the mood of Krishna, smiled, saying to her father, who was a staunch devotee of Krishna, "Without Shakti [the divine feminine] there can be no Krishna." Today she takes hundreds of thousands into her arms and ceaselessly offers them overflowing love and compassion.To extend her love, she travels all over the world. She has built ashrams in several cities in India and in the United States. In India there is a major hospital for the poor, va hospice, elementary schools at all the Indian ashrams, computer schools for the poor, a major technical school, orphanages, and 25,000 homes to be built for the homeless. In a land where only men have performed temple worship services for thousands of years, she has been overseeing the training of women renunciates to do the rituals in the several temples consecrated by Ammachi throughout India. Ammachi says that long ago women used to perform religious rites.In addition to personally guiding over four hundred resident disciples and running the many charitable organizations, she is very accessible to everyone who comes to meet her. She sits for many hours a day, sometimes as many as eighteen hours, to receive devotees and answer personal questions .  The Path of the Mother  Order from: Amazon or from your local bookstore.
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